I am going through a hard time right now. My best friend and I's friendship is coming to a close. I could get into the details but thats not the point of this blog. It's not about me or why my friendship is ending or anyone elses' reasons for their ending/ed freindship. It is about how to survive it. So here are ten tips on how to survive and come out a better, stronger person.
1. Don't feel awkward about how upset you are. This one is important. I've been spending so much time thinking about it and being upset about it and complaining to my family and close friend about and I felt awkward about it. I started to think "it sounds awkward it sounds like I broke up with a boyfriend or something" and I started thinking I shouldn't be so upset. But then I started to really think about it and in a lot of ways breaking up with your best friend is worse then breaking up with most boyfriends. Think about it: boyfriends come and go, best friends are supposed to be forever. My best friend and I were friends for eight years and best friends for six. She became my SISTER. We ALWAYS hung out. Loosing that relationship is harder than loosing some guy you dated for a couple months. Don't feel awkward about feeling heartbroken- you loved them- not in a romantic way but being best friends is a serious relationship in its own form.
2. Let yourself be sad. Being sad doesn't mean you're not a strong person. It hurts your ego to admit that you're sad and it's easier to act like it doesn't hurt you but the quicker you're honest with yourself the quicker you can get through everything and on with your life. Which brings me to my next point.
3. Stop with the "I don't give a fuck." You do. I KNOW, I KNOW! IT'S HARD (that's what she said). I'm not even past this, I still do this when I tell people about it. I say "fuck her, I couldn't care less. she's a bitch." While the "she's a bitch" part and "fuck her" part is true the "i couldn't care less"... not so much. It SUCKS not having my best friend. It sucks that she's not fucking awesome anymore and I get lonely. And when something happens or I get excited she's not there to tell and I have no one else to tell who cares. Its hard and I am hurt over everything that happened. I miss her. Putting on a hard act doesn't change the fact that it hurts. Go ahead, tell people you don't care but be honest with yourself. "Denial ain't just a river in Egypt" y'all.
4. There is a difference between wanting to be friends again and missing their friendship. I miss the friendship I had with her. I do not wish to be friends again. What she is doing isn't really something I want to be a part of and isn't something I want in a friend. You CAN be sad about the loss and have a hard time and at the same time not really "want them back" for a lack of better words.
5. Give yourself time to greive. Do what you do when you break up with someone! Cry, eat junk food, stay in bed all day. YOU LOST SOMEONE WHO WAS IMPORTANT TO YOU! Let yourself go through the natural breakup stages.
6. Listen to music that gets your pain and music that empowers you. Sad music helps you know you're not alone and helps you do the wallowing in self pity you need and the empowering music gives you the stregnth to go on with your day with a smile.
7. Don't fight with them. Say your peice then LEAVE IT AT THAT. It's already bad enough your bond is gone; you don't need to be at each other's throats. If you are constantly fighting with them it stops you from moving on from them. If you just drop it and cut them out of your life and never engage with them you move on.
8. Recognize when it's time to pick yourself up and move on. Yes, you need to let yourself be sad. Yes, you need to grieve and yes, you need to admit it does hurt. But eventually you have to move on. There is a fine line between getting yourself through the pain and wallowing in it forever. Have your period of time of being upset and all that jazz. Then pick yourself up and get on with your life. Start working towards being happy and focusing on finding new friends and new conections and new journeys.
9. Be okay with being alone. You had a deep connection with them. One that might be hard to find for again for a long fucking time. Be okay with that. You don't need a best friend and it's okay to not have friends for a bit. I actually think its been great having alone time. It gives you time to focus on how to better your life and not worry about anyone else. It makes you stronger and gives you the confidence to walk alone. Go to the movies alone, go to the concert alone, do whatever alone. It's not embarressing and can be even more fun.
10. You DO NOT need them. The only person you need is yourself. The sooner you recognize that the better. Hell even if you're not going through a best friend break up this is important. You don't need someone to lean on, you don't need someone to make you happy. All you need is yourself and this time without them can really show you that and teach you how to see that and really do that. I luckly have felt/known this for a long time but others don't and that for a long time.
11. They are not worth your time, your tears, or your pain. They did something that sucked. No one who hurts you deserves your time. Like I said have your sad time but then you need to realize this. If they were worth your time you wouldn't being going through all of this and you'd probably be out having coffee with them. Your friendship ended for a reason and the reason is usually in some form that they are no longer good for you. Don't waste your time on people who aren't good for you.
12. Time heals most most wounds / This too shall pass I don't expect to feel completely better for a long time. I mean she was my friend for EIGHT YEARS! And I'm sure you guys feel the same way. But time does heal wounds and makes things easier. You get used to not having them in your life and the sadness fades and fades until it goes away. I'm sure many of you have had other wounds you thought would never heal and they did. This will to.
13. DO YOU! Go on your own adventures! Do things that make YOU happy! You just got through fucking heartbreak- you are STRONG! Now go out do the things that make you happy and rock it. dude!
14. When one door closes, another opens. Yes this is an ending, but its also a begining! Its the begining of a new chapter for you! You're stronger now and there are more people out there then them and more important things then them. Do the things you want to do, better your life and work towards your goals. Focus on yourself and your life and who knows you might find even a even better person or people along the way.
15. Somethings just aren't meant to last. They may not be important in your life anymore but they once were and that is fine and a friendship ending doesn't change the fact that it exisisted. As mad as I am at my now ex best freind- I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have her friendship all those years. She got me through shit and for a long time made my life better. She just doesn't anymore and that's okay. Somethings aren't meant to be forever. We got each other through hard times, through middle school, through high school. I think we were meant to be sisters through those years. I truely beleive we were meant to be best friends for those years. But now our paths are seperating us and that is how life goes. People are going to enter and leave your life even people you never thought would leave. Hell, I thought her kids would be calling me Aunt Lacey and vice versa. I was wrong and it hurts but its teaching me an important lesson. It's teaching me how to let go and move on.
I hope these things helped you. I know it sucks. It still sucks for me. But we will get through it and we will grow from it. Talk to me in the comments! Vent, tell your stories, feelings, tell whatever! Whatever makes you feel better or you think will help others.
Love you guys.